Ode Tae The Cheese Weasels

Recently I have found myself rather down so I feel it is time to share some of my creative daftness...



Ode Tae The Cheese Weasels
(One of Burn’s lesser known poems)


Wee, sleekit, cowerin, viscious beastie,

Lurks near the camp afore the feastie.

As you sit doon among your kin,

The scent o’ cheddar wafts on the win’.

Scamp’ring they come through the trees,

On their hunt for boggin cheese,



Wi’ sharpn’d claws n’ pointy teeth,

A creep’n stealthily through the heath.

Striking fears into the heart o’men,

Shadowy specters passing through the glen.

Aw the men’s faces aboot you fearfully pale,

As they hear in the distance a bloodcurdling wail.



Weasels approach the camp and let loose their battlecries,

“See you Jimmy!” they shout wi’ fire in their eyes.

The mens screams let loose into the starry night sky,

They will loose the fight nae matter how hard they try

Tents and bivis are carelessly torn asunder,

As the Cheese weasels raid camp like a clap o’ thunder



Blood fallen on dirt and canvas slashed,

All in the weasels efforts tae find the Stilton Stashed.

Fur aflame and base camp ablaze,

The wounded stumble through the smoky haze.

The cheese is found! The weasels revel in bliss,

But keep your distance lest ye get a Glasgae kiss!



In this way the great Cheese Weasel war was fought,

An’ in the campsite much devastation wrought.

One gift however the mustelids brought,

An’ that be a lesson which must be taught….

“Where e’r ya wander leave your cheese at hame,

Lest the Cheasels attack and leave ya lame”



If e’r you fin yoursel’ at Woodcraft School,

A’ways remember this golden rule.

Remember that the Cheasels are crafty,

Ignore this lesson and forever be a dafty!